Resources for parents to assist children during divorce

In my practice as both a mediator and solicitor, I am often asked questions about the best way in which parents should tell their children about divorce/separation. I regularly spend time with parents during mediation discussing the script that they may wish to use when they sit their child/children down to tell them about what their new normal might look like following separation or one or other parent moving out of the family home. Every child is different, and every family is different. There is no such thing as one size fits all.   However, there are many resources available for parents and every family law professional will have their favourites. I often direct my clients to books written by author Christina McGhee, who has written a book called Parenting Apart: How Separated and Divorced Parents Can Raise Happy and Secure Kids. There are various others and a few other popular recommendations include:

• Separating With Children 101 by Rebecca Giraud and Bob Greig.
• How To Talk To Your Kids About Separation by Scott C Docherty.
• The Co-Parenting Method: Six Steps to Raise Happy Kids After Separation and Divorce by Marcie Shaoul.
• Divorcing a Narcissist: The Lure, the Loss and the Law by Dr Supriya Mckenna and  Karin Walker.

There are also lots of resources for children of different ages. I direct my clients with young children to:

• Dinosaurs Divorce by Laurie Krasny Brown and Marc Brown (children aged 3-6).
•  Two Homes by Claire Masurel (also for children aged 3-6).

For children a little older, I recommend:

• Rainy Day by Emma Haughton (ages 5-10)
• When Mum and Dad Split Up by Lesley Ely (ages 6-11)
• It’s Not Your Fault by Rosemary Stones (age 10+)

For teens I recommend:

• The Divorce Express by Paula Danziger
• It’s Not the End of the World by Judy Blume
• The Divorce Helpbook for Teens by Cynthia MacGregor

In addition to these, there are many resources for separated parents, and I automatically direct my clients to the CAFCASS website. CAFCASS provide support to court in the event of a legal application for child arrangements, however, their resources are very useful for separating families and provide tips for parents, as well as the ‘In Our Shoes’ publication capturing informative details of experiences of young people in their journeys through separation/family courts. CAFCASS also have a guide for parenting plans which my clients often feel is a good starting point for documenting important agreements as to how they manage arrangements and co-parenting, albeit once separated.

In addition, there is helpful information on NACCC/ Our Family Wizard (https://naccc.org.uk/for-parents/parenting-plan/).

Court Guide for separated parents: children and the family courts (CB7): https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/guide-for-separated-parents-children-and-the-family-courts-cb7/guide-for-separated-parents-children-and-the-family-courts-cb7

Finally, there are lots of services and subscriptions (some of which have a cost) for apps that you can download to assist with joint calendars, joint sharing of information to include telephone numbers, addresses, details of the children's GP and dental surgery, recording important information regarding the children and also, for example, costs being spent and expenses in relation to children's school uniform, school trips etc. 

The apps that are free are:

• AppClose (https://www.appclose.com/)
• Cozi (https://www.cozi.com/)

Other popular, but monthly subscription, apps are:

• 2homes (https://www.2homes.com/en/)
• 2houses (https://www.2houses.com/en/)
• Our Family Wizard UK (https://www.ourfamilywizard.co.uk/)

At Hughes Paddison, we have one of the largest teams in the South West for family law work. All of our solicitors are experts in dealing with child arrangements and providing pragmatic and practical assistance to separating parents. Both Jennifer Allen and Jane Brothwood are also qualified mediators and would be happy to discuss any mediational mentoring aspects of separation, should this be of interest to you and the other parent. 

Our Divorce and Family Law Team offers a free of charge 30-minute introductory appointment to new clients of the firm. Please do not hesitate to contact us, where we will be happy to answer any questions you may have.